The Alfred Hitchcock Hour Series 2, Episode 11    Alf Kjellin    Robert Gould (teleplay)    Bob Newhart, Jane Withers    20 December 1963    47:54 (total) • 45:02 (film) • 1:32 (Hitchcock)    7/10

How To Get Rid Of Your Wife

Gerald Swinney (Bob Newhart) pays a visit to see Rosie Feather (Joyce Jameson) at the theatre where she works as a burlesque dancer. The stage doorman recognises Swinney from the newspaper headlines he is reading before showing him into Rosie's dressing room. Swinney gives her a bunch of carnations and apologises for the publicity she attracted in his case but she shows sympathy for him for what he has been through. In flashback we see the final days of Swinney's marriage to his dominating and nagging wife Edith (Jane Withers) where she tells him off for smoking in the house and says she could have managed without him being in her life. He tells her that he wants a divorce but she flatly (and loudly) refuses him. Later Gerald asks where his fishing equipment has gone and Edith tells him she got rid of it. He responds that he will just have to get rid of her! In a deliberate effort to expose his wife's unreasonable bad behaviour towards him Gerald stays out at a bar one night until closing time and then walks home with his neighbour, knowing that Edith will lock him out in defiance. The plan works and the neighbours see just exactly what kind of a person Edith is. At breakfast Gerald makes a mess in the kitchen deliberately to annoy his wife, who again complains. He leaves an empty packet of weed killer lying around knowing she will see it to plant paranoia into her angry head. She summons him to the kitchen and Gerald appears in the middle of shaving and holding a razor in his hand, further adding to her fear. Edith phones her friend Laura (Mary Scott) who tells her she is being ridiculous. Gerald is then seen digging what appears to be a grave in his back garden but when questioned on it he claims it is for a fish pond. Edith invites her friends Laura and Henry over to the house and tells them what has been going on with Gerald. Laura is concerned that Edith is exaggerating and suggests she see a doctor. The two couples have dinner when a delivery man brings a large item to the house for Gerald's alleged pond. Edith grows more and more paranoid and tries to convince her friends that Gerald is out to kill her. When Laura and Henry leave suddenly Edith orders Gerald out of the house. Gerald goes to his bedroom and looks at, well, THIS. And yes, Edith discovers it after Gerald packs his bags and vacates the house. Edith goes straight to Rosie and confronts her over the picture and tells her that the affair must stop but Rosie denies any such affair is going on. Meanwhile Gerald buys himself a couple of rats from the pet shop. Edith counters this buy purchasing some rat poison. It's all so childish. Gerald writes an open letter "to whom it may concern" which he reads to Edith stating his reasoning for leaving her. That evening Edith makes the hot chocolate, adding poison to Gerald's. The next morning Edith finds Gerald in bed and thinks he is dead, and with the letter he had written the night before she makes it look like it was suicide. The police are called and find Gerald alive and well; Edith faints. The case goes to trial and Edith is accused of trying to kill Gerald. All of her friends turn against her in support of Gerald. Edith is found guilty of attempted murder and sentenced to five years in prison. Gerald is free and proposes a dinner date with Rosie, which she gladly accepts. Only, his plans are changed for him after he leaves her dressing room.... TRIVIA •Mr. & Mrs. Swinney had lived together for 15 years. •Mr. & Mrs. Swinney live at number 1326. But later when we see the newspaper article it states Edith's address to be 206 Locust Avenue. •During the breakfast scene where Gerald tells Edith the box of weed killer is empty and they need more, look at the top-right of the screen and you can see the shadow of the microphone reflected on the wall/ceiling. •Gerald tells Edith that the hole he is digging in the garden is going to be a fish pond. When she questions him, he explains it a bit better. "It's going to be a pond.... for fish." Brilliant comedy. •The two rats, one of which is called Rolio, costs $3.20. Also later when Edith discovers the rats in her kitchen cupboard they are not the same rats as Gerald buys from the shop. You can tell this quite easily. •Who could blame Gerald for wanting a divorce. Can you imagine being married to Edith?! •The signed photo of Rosie ending up in Gerald's bedroom is explained by it being left inside a library book which Gerald took out from the library.

HITCH'S PROLOGUE (1 min 06 secs): [Hitch is standing by a life size statue of a horse] "Contrary to appearances we are not converting our show into a middle eastern western. This is a lovely gift that just arrived and I'm having workmen tear out a wall so that I can get it into the house. What is especially touching is that the gift came from a person I had not regarded as a friend. A social climber who is always trying to wrangle an invitation to my home. I'm quite pleased however now that I have a wooden horse I may even take up water polo. From this innocent hobby horse we turn to a hobby of another kind. Tonight's programme is dedicated to the 'do-it-yourselfer' and is called 'How To Get Rid Of Your Wife'. It concerns one Gerald Swinney, a gentlemen seemingly too meek for the task ahead, but we shall see, we shall see. As a special feature tonight we are delaying the start of the story by one minute. Time for you to gather up a pencil and paper. After all, some of you may wish to take notes." HITCH'S EPILOGUE (26 secs): "I still have my wife but you will notice I have gotten rid of my horse. I wouldn't have cared if it were a talking horse but I discovered this one was ticking. I promptly gave it away. I felt there were others who deserved it more than I. My sponsor, for one. After all the very foundation of commercial television is the trojan horse principal as witness the following." SPOILERS Gerald's plan to rid his horrible wife from his life succeeds when he convinces others that it was she who tried to kill him. Gerald takes the opportunity to try a date with Rosie but after he leaves her dressing room he bumps into the woman who runs the pet shop. When Gerald bought the rats from her he gave a false name (Mr. Jones) - and neglected to mention at the trial that he planted the rats in this house to make his wife paranoid. The pet shop woman recognises Gerald as 'Mr. Jones' and proposes a dinner date with him in exchange for her silence. Gerald's plan of winning over Rosie is scuppered and now he is lumbered with a second potential wife he didn't want!

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION... Okay so the story is quite sound, though there are a few holes in it that are never filled (just like the grave shaped fish pond!) Edith is a complete and utter nightmare of a woman and sympathy is easily given to Gerald from just about everybody, including the viewer. Didn't like the ending. I guess he had to lose something in the process other than his wife, and the woman from the pet shop was hardly a prize for him. It felt like an awkward ending to me.

THE CAST (click any image to enlarge)

Gerald Swinney... BOB NEWHART Edith Swinney... JANE WITHERS Rosie Feather... JOYCE JAMESON Laura... MARY SCOTT Henry... GEORGE PETRIE Pet shop proprietress... ANN MORGAN GUILBERT Sergeant... ROBERT KARNES Delivery man... WILLIAM WELLMAN JR. Oscar, stage doorman... JOSEPH HAMILTON Mrs. Penny... HELENE WINSTON District attorney... HAROLD GOULD Mr. Penny... BILL QUINN Rat poison salesman... HARRY HINES Mrs. Harris... GAIL BONNEY

GALLERY (click any image to enlarge)

Acknowledgements: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0394050/ [IMDb] This page was last updated on: 11 July 2020